You'd have thought they had enough gibberish with all the patron saints, but no, that notorious vaguely annoying background noise the Pope has been clarifying things again. It turns out Protestant churches aren't proper churches at all (link down - Ed), and are actually worse than the Eastern Orthodox ones. They spent most of World War Two burning those down right across the Balkans, and you have to wonder what's in store for us benighted northern Europeans this time.

So if you see any Swiss Guards wandering about looking zealous, I'd be keeping a close eye on their halberd. I don't know about you, but I definitely don't like it up me. Apparently Catholic theologians who have argued for a approach less reminiscent of the Thirty Years War are just being "erroneous or ambiguous", which in Ratzinger's world is the same thing.

Meanwhile, they've brought back the Latin mass. This is obviously an improvement over any religious service where you can understand what's being said, but I wonder where it leaves all the Catholics who were thrown out of the church for insisting on using it while it was banned.

Altogether now: "I know a church that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves ... (repeat for the rest of our lives)"

And yet they're still less annoying than this lot.