Today's task is from the August 16th entry. I have to CREATE A HEAT MAP OF WHERE READERS CLICK ON MY BLOG.

This requires that I embed a chunk of Java script in my blog. As I am unable to do this, he might just as usefully have asked me to rise up on my dorsal fins and clap my ventral ones until someone threw me a fish. Instead of today's task, then, this is how my tags work.

They're on the right hand side of my blog, under the bloglists. The number indicates how many times I've used each one. The tag dadaist disciplinary techniques, for instance, has been used once. If you click on it, you can see the piece, which has the title Freddie - a suggestion. To go back to the main blog, just click on the heading The Secular Backlash at the top.

You can find something similar on most blogs. My innovation, though, is to use a # on tags that I want to treat as a category. This means that the most common themes are all listed at the top, as # comes before A in the alphabet. This is very clever and not anally retentive in any way, so you can stop your snickering right now. Especially you at the back there, in Frome.

Meanwhile, Watford scored twice in the last ten minutes against Southampton, to steal top place in the Championship from its rightful owners. Apart from anything else, they're making the division less alphabetical. I'm sure Barnsley and Blackpool fans would want to join me in condemning this, although West Brom fans may not understand.

In fact, it would be interesting to run a simulation to see how long it took before the alphabetical principle put them in the Ryman League along with Wolves, while Arsenal beat Aston Villa to the last Champions League slot. The League champions? Accrington Stanley, every year. Bristol City would be roughly where they were, but every year we'd finish (just) above Rovers. I'm liking it more and more.