Yes, it's another brilliant idea which will never, ever happen.

People are always on about holidays in space, but there's an environmental price to be paid. I've got a much better idea.

The balloon altitude record is about thirty one miles up. Most people would probably feel half that was enough. Of course, at that height you need huge balloons, but then again to get to space you need huge rockets.

The balloon I'm imagining (I managed to type imagineering, but bottled it at the edit stage) would be shaped like a bar of soap, with living quarters along the bottom and solar energy collectors along the top. For safety, the helium section would have many internal compartments, to guarantee that no single impact would take out all the gas.

There would be smaller balloons, to take passengers, staff and supplies from the ground to the hotel and back again. Because you don't need rockets, and solar panels would meet the hotel's energy needs, it would be the world's first high altitude carbon neutral holiday.

You wouldn't get the weightlessness of course, because there's no way you could build up the necessary speed. That's a shame, but it's also a series of problems which don't have to be solved. And you do get the views.

So there's another piece of genius from me. It works in my head, and frankly that's all I need. I've splurged, and I'm purged. I'm sorry about how you must feel.

Now let's all watch the momentary ripples as it sinks like a stone. Next up, monkey tennis.