by secback
@ Monday, Dec. 17, 2007 - 18:48:46
It's complicated enough when you buy your first house. I'm now trying to buy a flat, sort out a mortgage, arrange to rent out my house, change the mortgage on my house to buy-to-let, and arrange to have enough work to pay for it all. It's all in hand, and I really believe it's all going to happen, but it's like there's a keyboard in my brain that controls my emotions, and the R, A, G and E keys are stuck down. Everything is getting on my tits right now.
Here, then, is a list of all the people who can just fuck off. It's not exhaustive. How could it be?
- People who say they're going to buy your house, then pull out at the last minute, when you've already booked the cable people to come in and you could have been in there by now, watching Liverpool v Man Utd in comfort.
- Fucking Man Utd.
- Governments who constantly introduce policies to rationalise the process of house buying, then pull out at the last minute.
- People who pull out at the last minute generally. It's so - anti-climactic.
- Whoever invented Christmas. Actually, there's a story there, which I'll be giving you nearer the time. Clue: it wasn't Jesus.
- Whoever invented Christmas cards.
- Whoever invented Christmas presents.
- People who make the outside of their flats or houses look like a theme park for the age of neon. Excuse me, your homes do have an inside, why not concentrate on that? Do you want me to start using the exterior of my house to express my personality? No you don't.
- People who sit there doing itemised lists of people who can fuck right off, when there are things they really ought to be doing.
- People who phone me up when I was just about to do something, so I forget what it was.
- People who choose a consonant, when I could have made a nine letter word with virtually any vowel.
- Everybody else. Except you, obviously. You're my lovely readers.
Still, today is a red letter day. It's ten years today since they invented the word weblog. Apparently by the end of 1998 there were twenty three weblogs in the world. Now there are over seventy million. I like the word weblog better than blog, because it describes us. What do we do? We blog. Intermittently in my case. Sorry about that.
17/12/07 @ 20:40