You pick yourself up, and then they just knock you back down again.

In my reasons to be cheerful, I said that the tedious bit before Christmas was nearly over. Later that same day I went to order some food from Tesco. A reasonable enough activity, you might have thought, but no. All delivery slots completely booked up until December 27.

Of course, there's going to be a higher demand at Christmas time, but - and this is the real kicker, as I'm sure you'll agree - I wasn't ordering Christmas food. I was ordering everyday food, for the next few days. Shouldn't there be a special Internet queue for people like me?

When I say people like me, I don't mean bearded, obsessive compulsive self-indulgers, although many would agree that we should have our own queue. I mean people who want normal food. There's a special queue for people who want five items or less. Why shouldn't there be one for people who want bacon and beans, but no cranberry sauce?

In the absence of any foresight on the part of our beloved food suppliers, it's down the bleak backstreets of Barton Hill to physical Sainsbury's. Where Christmas is in full swing. You can see how much people love it by the cheerful smiles on their faces. Actually I did see one family having the whale of a time, but they were all on the large side. For those of us with padding Sainsbury's is like an Aladdin's cave, all sparkly and sugar coated. To think I was once worried I might lose my figure. Not only is it all still there, I've actually managed to add to it.

I do get carried away in food shops, and I think I may have overdone it a bit on the vegetables. I'm still not quite sure what I'm going to do with an entire green pepper, and some mushrooms. The good news is I managed to get a few treats as well. The checkout girl managed not to actively laugh at my consumer choices, but it was a close run thing.

But I bought nothing with any seasonal decoration on it at all. So my initial premise, of not shopping for Christmas, has been met in full. I didn't even get any Bailey's. It turns out Sainsbury's own brand Irish cream is just as nice, for half the price. I could have got two bottles, and still felt virtuous. It's making it harder to type though. If I finish this glass too quickly, my spelling will start to deteriforatgc, and hten I mitgh just tail off in teh midlle of