I've got another new plan. I've given up on the idea of buying the flat, and remortgaging my house. Instead, I'm going to be a lodger with my brother and his wife, and rent the house out.
They live in Totterdown half the year and Crete the other half (which is nice), and they need someone to look after the place in the summer. Because they still need access to it, they can't rent the whole place out, so they keep a lodger, and I'll be replacing him at the end of March. I'm going to let the house through the council, who will put in one of their families off the housing list.
Unlike all my previous plans, this one might actually work. It doesn't depend on that mysterious entity they insist on calling the property market even though it hasn't got any stalls, and I don't need to persuade anyone to buy my house or lend me money. If bad things happen it's easily reversible.
Well in my mind, you do care. In my mind, you've all left the computer and dashed to the foot of your stairs to bring your loved ones the news. Cherished partner, family and/or friends, you cry, come quickly. Jon has another plan. Excited voices echo so loudly I can hardly hear the Mozart. Exsultate Jubilate, since you ask, and it seems fitting. The s is correct in the Latin, by the way, so don't think you can get picky with me.
The whole sorry saga worries me though. I've thought about it a lot, and on balance I don't think I'm really suited to a life of freedom. Oh don't get me wrong, I haven't turned into some weird fascist. Quite apart from the appalling architecture, the inadequacy here is entirely personal. It isn't freedom that's failed me, it's me that's failed freedom.
What I really need is somebody to tell me what to do. Here is your room, here is your computer, here is the telly, this is the button for the football. Tomorrow morning you will go to this place and do this thing, towards the general good. When your appointed task is completed there will be dinner, where people will be happy to listen to you showing off. Don't just sit there like that, that's why you're so unhealthy. Eat this, I think you'll find it's surprisingly nice.
That's what I need. A monastery, but without the religion. Now all I need to do is silence the voice in my head that's telling me I shouldn't be saying this out loud.