And the semifinals are:
Barnsley v Cardiff
Those of you who haven't been paying attention may suspect a typo, but stet, or sic, or something, for that is in fact the correct fixture list. This is a statistically significant year in the history of the tournament, and this is why.
Contrary to popular myth, in the last thirty years the FA Cup has actually been dominated by five teams, Arsenal, Man Utd, Chelsea, Liverpool and Spurs. The last time there was a final without any of these teams was 1984 (Everton 2 Watford 0), and the last time before that was 1975 (West Ham 2 Fulham 0). Between them the Big Five have won 24 out of the last 30, and established a relationship with the tournament analogous to the US relationship with Britain, including all the compulsory buttsex.
But not this year. Tiring of being relentlessly sodomised by bigger boys, with their bigger boys, this year the second tier of English football have got on top themselves for a change. This year there will be at least one team from the Championship in the final, and if West Brom beat Portsmouth there will be two. I don't know about the dim and distant history of the game, and frankly I can't be bothered to find out, but for post-war English football that would be unprecedented.
Three cheers to Barnsley, who put Liverpool out last time and this time comprehensively outplayed the mighty Chelsea. In fact all the quarter finals went the way of the underdog. Oh yes, except for poor old Bristol Rovers, beaten 5-1 by West Brom in front of a sellout crowd and the assembled millions on their sofas. And people say it's a waste of time watching football on the telly. Best two hours of my life. Now they can get back to the serious business of gazing wistfully south of the river, wondering how it would feel to be successful.
And stet and sic are both Latin, for let it stand and thus respectively. Did you really think I didn't know? Oh ye of little faith. In me, in whom you should surely be most trusting.
Incidentally, there are some anniversaries today. It's Lithuanian Independence Day, marking eighteen years since the Russians pulled out, so a big cheery hello to them. It's also ninety years to the day since the British Army captured Baghdad from the Turks. The military campaign was straightforward enough, but the aftermath was a nightmare, and there was a bit of a fuss because it turned out they'd been beating civilians to death behind closed doors. I'm saying nothing.
